Lily's Biggest Regret
by HP Slash Luv
Summary: When Lily confesses the thing she hates the most to James, he just might surprise her with his advice.


**Title:** Lily's Biggest Regret  
 **Rating:** T  
 **Pairing(s)/Character(s):** James/Lily, Severus  
 **Warnings:** None  
 **Disclaimer:** Don't own 'em - not making any money off 'em. Dern it.  
 **Word Count:** 1,511  
 **Summary:** When Lily confesses the thing she hates the most to James, he just might surprise her with his advice.

 **Notes:**

 **Betaed by Jill, Sophy, Em, and Jade**

 **Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition:** Round 3 - **Beater 1 -** Write about someone being Dared to confess their hatred. **Prompts:** 1\. (word) fair / 10. (word) wither / 11. (emotion) regret

 **Ouran High School Host Club:** Kanako Kasugazaki - Write about an engaged couple.

 **The Friends Challenge:** TOW Rachel Smokes - Write about a rivalry.

* * *

"You're not being fair," Lily exclaimed with a pout.

"Come on, Lily. We're going to be married soon. We should be able to tell each other _anything_."

Lily rolled her eyes and decided to play dumb. "What was it that you wanted to know again?"

James smirked. "I dare you tell me what you hate the most."

Lily bit her bottom lip. "You're really digging deep, aren't you?"

James shrugged. "What can I say? I find you absolutely fascinating, and I want to learn all that I can about you. So, what's your number one hatred?"

"Okay; but if I tell you what it is, I don't want it to start an argument. So, you don't get to get angry. Do we have a deal?

"No anger. Deal," he said with a slight nod. "So, your hatred? What is it for? No more keeping me in suspense."

Lily looked away. "Okay, what I hate the most is losing Severus as my best friend. It's not only what I hate the most, but it's also my biggest regret. We were friends for so long, and I allowed one cruel word, said in anger and in the middle of an humiliating experience for him, to come between us. And it wasn't like Severus didn't try to apologize and make things right. He tried to earn my forgiveness for almost a year, but I shut him out.

"I watched him start to wither in his loneliness, and I practically pushed him towards the budding dark wizards in his house because he didn't have anyone to turn to without me in his life. He certainly didn't have his worthless parents. If I had stood by him and forgiven him, he might not have listened to Lucius Malfoy or the others. He might have joined the Order of the Phoenix with us, instead of donning a skull mask and black robe."

There was silence.

Lily looked back at James. "So, where's the explosion? You might have said there wouldn't be any argument, but I still expected _some_ kind of yelling about how I could possibly miss greasy, slimy, Snivellus."

"Believe it or not, Lily, I'm not mad. I'm not even that surprised. I know he was a big part of your life for so long. And..." He trailed off, suddenly seeming unsure.

"And?" Lily prodded.

"Okay. Yes, I never liked Sniv—I mean, Snape. Part of it was because Sirius hated all Slytherins, and I was trying to be supportive of him. But the major reason was because he was important to you, and _I_ wanted to be important to you. I wanted to be special to you, and I hated the fact he held a place in your heart that I would never be able to touch. What was worse was I saw the way he looked at you. He wanted more than friendship, and one of my biggest fears was you'd want that with him as well."

Lily looked down at her lap. "I wasn't stupid. I knew his feelings weren't strictly platonic even though I did my best to never encourage them. I hoped he would fall out of love with me because I knew I would never be able to offer him anything more than friendship."

James took her hand. "And I get that now, but you have to understand something. I was a jealous kid; I saw myself losing my chance with you, and in my eyes, it was his fault. The Marauders and I, we ganged up on him. He fought back, but it was almost always us that started the fights. That humiliating experience, the one that caused him to spew that filth, was brought on because of us. Maybe if we had left him alone, that word would never had left his mouth, because despite my jealousy, I did see how important you were to him. And I honestly don't believe he ever really thought Muggle-borns were beneath him, even after he said that word. So, maybe you should talk to him. It's never too late to mend a relationship, and maybe if you talk to him, you'll be able to save him from himself."

"That word, though," Lily muttered, her eyes far away as she remembered the hurt she felt that he could call her that, as if they hadn't been friends since they were nine years old.

"Sirius did a lot worse than say a cruel word. He did something that could have killed Snape, and maybe even Remus, if it had worked. It might have taken some time, but we were still be able to forgive him for his actions. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't forgiven Sirius, and I'm sure Peter and Remus feel the same. So I really think you should talk to Snape. Things might not get resolved, but you can at least get some closure."

Lily tilted her head and stared at her fiancé in awe. "When did you get so smart?"

James smiled. "When I finally figured out how to get you to wear that ring."

xXx

Lily stared at the old house. Spinner's End. She hadn't been there in so long, and she didn't even know if Severus still resided there. She didn't know where else to look for him, though.

She took a deep breath. James said she should do this. If this really was her biggest regret, then she should try to make things right. And if Severus didn't even want to talk to her…

Lily closed her eyes. The very thought hurt her to her very core, but she knew that was a very real possibility. His Death Eater friends might have effectively brainwashed him against Lily and all Muggle-borns.

She would never know if she didn't talk to him. She raised her hand and rang the old doorbell. She listened to the familiar tone and memories washed over her.

When the door opened, she was met with obsidian eyes that she hadn't seen in so long.

"Lily?" he asked, surprised.

He didn't slam the door in her face; that was a good sign. "Hey, Sev. Can I come in?"

He stepped aside, and she tentatively walked into the dingy house.

His eyes focused on her hand, and it took her a moment to realize what he was staring at. "It might be stupid because we're in the middle of a war, but James proposed to me, and I said yes," Lily offered with a weak smile.

"Congratulations, I guess. Why are you here? You haven't talked to me for two and a half years."

Lily nodded. "I know, and I wish I hadn't been so stubborn when you were trying to earn my forgiveness back then."

"It's kind of sudden to have regrets, isn't it?"

"It's not that sudden. It's just the first time I've ever admitted it out loud. James and I were playing a game, and he dared me to tell him what I hated the most. And the answer was losing my best friend. And then we talked some more, and he told me you and I should talk."

"He actually _encouraged_ you to talk to the evil Slytherin, Snivellus?" Severus mockingly asked.

She glared at him. "Believe it or not, James actually _has_ grown up, and he admitted to his own culpability in everything that happened between you and the Marauders at school."

Severus turned away. "No matter what brought this on, it doesn't matter. It's too late."

"Is it too late?" Lily softly asked, reaching out and gently touching his arm. "I still care about you, and I have to believe you still care about me."

"I'll never stop caring about you, but I'm part of a group that I can't get out of, at least not without my death."

Lily took a shuddering breath. "There has to be a way. We can go to Dumbledore. He'll help you."

"Or he'll throw me in Azkaban. There's no hope for me, Lily. You're better off just forgetting about me," he muttered self-deprecatingly.

"No!" Lily yelled so loudly that Severus actually jumped. "I gave up on you when I walked away from you in fifth year. If I had just forgiven you, you might not have landed in this position. Part of it is your own fault. You should have been strong enough to stay away from wizards that you knew were dangerous, but I know I took away your only support system. Well, your support system is back, and I'm not going to turn my back on you. Not again. We'll figure it out together. James will help, and so will Remus. And Peter will follow along, and together, we'll get Sirius to agree to help. We'll figure out a way to save your life and get you away from them. Even if you have to go in hiding until the end of the war, we'll figure out a way. I promise," she vehemently vowed. And it was a promise she planned to keep.


End file.
